One Room at a Time
By Rev. Mike Hotz, Spiritual Director.
If real connection grows when we give others the center stage, why do we so often keep it for ourselves?
In a culture that values efficiency, performance, and personal achievement, it’s easy to forget that real connection thrives not when we focus on ourselves, but when we make room for others. In my life, the most meaningful moments of belonging have happened when a leader shifted the focus from themselves to me—not to fix or control, but simply to recognize and appreciate me. This act of placing others at the center fosters an environment where genuine connections can grow.
In ministry, the temptation to stay self-focused is strong due to overwhelming tasks and power differentials. Efforts to manage life can lead us to prove competence, protect ideas, steer conversations toward our agendas, or simply to move things off our plate as quickly as possible. But people don’t feel connected to someone who overpowers the space or grabs the spotlight; they feel connected to someone who gives space. As Peter Block writes in Community: The Structure of Belonging, “We change the world one room at a time, by how we are together.” Being together means shifting attention outward to make others the center.
I’ve witnessed the difference this makes. I once worked with a leader who began every meeting with a five-minute check-in around the table. Everyone shared how they were doing, not just their workload, but their personal lives. The leader really listened, often asking follow-up questions, and never used the information against them. By focusing on the team, she created a culture of trust where people felt seen and valued beyond their job roles. Compare that with the typical meeting that gets right into the agenda: efficient, perhaps, but rarely does it bring people together.
Jesus modeled centering others, focusing on those at the margins—children, women, tax collectors—through stops, listening, touching, healing. His focus was on dignifying others, not spotlighting himself. In Matthew 18:20, he reminds us, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them,” emphasizing relationships, not self-focus.
Jesus wasn’t alone in putting others above self. What do the leaders in your tradition say about putting others at the center? How are you being encouraged to live out the practice of enlarging the circle of belonging by centering others?
Centering others is countercultural, and it involves the following practices:
Listen without interruption. Let someone else’s story stand without immediately comparing it to your own.
Ask genuine questions. Curiosity signals that another person’s experience matters.
Share the floor. In conversations and meetings, resist the efficiency urge; invite quieter voices to contribute.
Celebrate others’ wins. Connection grows when we let others shine.
When we center others—personally and professionally—we communicate, “You belong here.” That belonging fosters trust, which creates resilient communities where connection and belonging can thrive over time.
We have a profound choice: Will we use our presence to center ourselves and our agenda, or will we make room for others? As Block points out, the world changes “one room at a time.” Change begins when we enter those rooms ready to focus on others, which helps create a culture of connection.
Journalist Derek Thompson recently named this the Anti-Social Century. Americans are spending more and more time alone. Our “aloneness” is reshaping our realities. It is certainly changing our ministry contexts. Throughout this year, LeaderWise writers will share their outlooks on our Anti-Social Century and what we can do to build a culture of connection.
Interested in other articles on the Culture of Connection?
2025 Resolution Against Loneliness by Mary Kay DuChene
Ingredients for Connection: Solitude & Connectedness by Becca Fletcher
Creating Time for Connection by Cindy Halvorson
Am I Safe Here? From LeaderWise’s Leadership Team
It’s Not Easy Being New by emilie boggis
The Best Scones You Ever Tasted by Stephanie Hoover
Who Do You Know? by Laura Beth Buchleiter
Starting from Scratch by emilie boggis
