The Shape of Leadership, A LeaderWise Story
Inspired by StoryCorps, an audio program that asserts that everyone has an important story to tell, LeaderWise shares a significant story from our own history. Mary Kay DuChene and Susan Miller came together one morning this Spring to reflect upon the inspiration behind and the evolution of the Shape of Leadership program. Shape is a yearlong emergent space for clergy to reconnect with God and self, so that they can develop their leadership in adaptive and experiential ways. As we mark Mary Kay’s retirement at the end of May 2026 and honor the impact of her leadership, this is a story we are excited to tell.
The Beginning of Shape of Leadership
It began with coffee over a shared problem.
The long-time lead minister of a large ELCA church in the Twin Cities was retiring. Who would replace him? Susan was serving as the Synod representative to the church, and she had a sense that the church was ready for a female lead pastor. Mary Kay was working with the church’s Personnel Committee to prepare them for the transition.
The problem
Impressed by her leadership, Susan asked Mary Kay out for coffee and presented the problem. The female pastors Susan had talked to about the position said that they didn’t want the lead role. They didn’t have the vision. They didn’t feel capable. They didn’t want the lifestyle. They were women with plenty of experience and leadership, Susan knew, but it seemed that they hadn’t imagined themselves as lead pastors for a large membership congregation.
The question
What would a deep dive in leadership look like for women clergy who possessed the potential to lead large congregations?
Mary Kay couldn’t get the question out of her mind. She went home and began to form an idea: a leadership program for female clergy that encouraged their bold visions of ministry. By the following week, Mary Kay had shared her idea with Susan, who shared it with the bishop, who confirmed: “We need to do this.”
In Year 1 of the Shape program, 23 women from the St. Paul and Southeastern Minnesota Synods signed up. Year 2 saw 18 women from the Minneapolis Area Synod participating in Shape.
Pivot 1
In Year 3, male clergy began asking: “Why is this leadership program for women only? Why not men?” Mary Kay and Susan had conceived the program for female clergy who were a marginalized culture and needed a separate place to envision leading adaptively in the dominant culture. Moreover, large congregations needed to consider what women clergy could bring.
Then, the Synod office called: “Can we please run a pilot for men?” Mary Kay was frank with them: “I’m not convinced that they’ll do the work.” She was worried that they wouldn’t be vulnerable, that they wouldn’t show up in equal ways to the women delving into power and conflict.
Nevertheless, Mary Kay held a focus group at Luther Seminary with a group of hand selected male clergy. For the first 30 minutes, it was a struggle to get them to open up. Then, she made a pivotal decision: to simply sit there and let some silence happen. Finally, one brave male spoke up, “Seventy-five percent of the time I feel completely inadequate in my role as pastor.” Then, the head nodding started. Suddenly, others started to reveal themselves. But it took that one brave person to put it out there. Mary Kay thought, “I can work with this.” The first pilot of male-only group continued to meet for more than three years.
Another Pivot
Mary Kay and Susan both became Assistants to the Bishop in the Southeastern MN Synod, and together they created the first gender-inclusive group of Shape participants. There were a couple of significant moments when being a gender-inclusive group became important and fruitful. In one moment, a male participant “gave permission” to a female participant to speak. A moment later he noticed what he had done and lifted it up to the group. Those little moments opened people up, making them more aware of how they were showing up in space and how power was operating among them. The awareness and conversation made space for adaptation. It became a model for how they would show up, not only at Shape but also in their own ministries. The facilitators noticed in group after group how these “little moments” of “breaking open” created meaningful leadership reflections.
As gender fluidity became more of a norm in the larger society, Mary Kay and Susan moved away from groups and cohorts that were gender specific. Applying the concept of “turning up the heat” in adaptive leadership, they handed over how cohorts (small groups within the larger Shape group) were formed. If a group needed gender specificity, they could form it. Each group had the agency to create what they needed.
Impact
Confidence in leadership has always been one of the core goals of Shape of Leadership. It simply started out focusing on female-identified leaders. Shape participants have gone on to become lead ministers of large congregations and to become bishops. Success, however, isn’t defined by size or status. It’s defined by what’s in one’s heart and vocational sense of call. Mary Kay and Susan have seen Shape graduates leave with that confidence in their heart to continue on to lead bold endeavors, submit sermons and win preaching prizes, become adaptive change-makers in congregations of all sizes, and take on entrepreneurial alternative ministries. And they are doing it with more confidence!
This article shares only a few pivots and pivotal moments in the Shape of Leadership Story. We invite you to watch the full 45-minute conversation between Mary Kay and Susan here.
Are you interested in investing more confidence in your leadership?
The next Shape of Leadership program starts September 2026 in New Jersey. Learn more here!
