The Power of the Pause
An Essential Boundary Tool in Leadership
By emilie boggis.
What is challenging for you?
Holding a conversation with another person to 30 minutes.
Limiting the amount of work you take on.
Sharing your own voice when you disagree with another.
Naming limits on your response to emails.
Claiming your need for personal space.
Last week in our public Healthy Boundaries workshop we asked participants a similar question. Without fail, we heard how difficult it is to set limits on workload and time. There are too many critical needs and not enough [time, resources, volunteers, etc.].
At a recent local clergy gathering, a LeaderWise consultant listened to the rising pressure on local congregations to serve as fully functioning social service providers. From food distribution to housing, from mental health treatment to basic medical treatment. All on a shoe-string budget with a primarily volunteer workforce. With dire consequences for their members, neighbors, and community-members. Leaders will say they are “building the plane as they fly” without time to assess whether they are actually flying or dive-bombing towards the ground.
Does this situation sound familiar?
Watch out for quicksand. While real quicksand might not be a liability for 80% of us (thanks cartoons!), metaphorical quicksand is. All of the sudden you and your organization can experience your once-solid footing caving in.
Our consultants frequently enter communities after serious harm has been committed. More often than not, these aren’t bad people or toxic organizations with whom we are working. Rather, we meet competent leaders who found themselves out of their depth, sinking fast, yet pretending all is well. This is when the potential for harm is high. Burn-out. Compassion fatigue. Boundary violations. Destructive conflict. We hear a common refrain: “I wish we had slowed down and honestly examined what was happening.”
This is the power of the pause. We have noticed that healthy leaders require themselves and their organization to slow down—even (maybe especially) when there is no time—and assess what’s happening.
Tool 1: Your First Word is Breath
When we personally are out of our depth, it’s easy to panic. The body enters survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze), limiting access to our rational brains and wisdom. Jefferson Fisher (lawyer and podcaster) encourages us to follow the tactic of Navy Seals. Don't feel compelled to do something. Using your breath, calm your body until you feel ready to engage.
In groups, this is a healthy use of the conflict style of “avoiding.” Temperatures have run high. We are about to say and do something we may regret. The leader pauses the matter at hand, so that everyone takes time to cool off (a break), release energy (body practice), return to the covenant (promises), or pray (guidance). It’s a collective invitation to get grounded again.
Tool 2: 90 Minutes to Explore (Especially the Risks!)
Many helping professions require some sort of regular reflective supervision: a non-evaluative space where leaders bring emerging issues from their work and explore them using creative methods: What aspects of context/culture are at play in this issue? How is power showing up? What are the possible risks? What am I missing? Where is God in this? What values are guiding me? For professional faith leaders, Reflective Pastoral Supervision is an emerging space for pause.
We all need support in choosing to pause. While our larger culture may not support the power of the pause (Go! Go! Go!), we at LeaderWise do. We are listening to your needs, and we are creating spaces for you.
Need support for yourself? We encourage you to register for our (free) 90-minute Information Session on Reflective Pastoral Supervision: Thursday, September 17 beginning at 2pm Eastern/1pm Central/noon Mountain/11am Pacific with consultants Mary Kay DuChene and Sarah Lammert. Imagine if you had a dedicated space every 6 weeks where you can explore yellow flags to prevent them from becoming red flags….
Need support for your organization? For all of you leaders who support other leaders, consider bringing Healthy Boundaries for Healthy Leaders to your region for a daylong exploration. This pause equips them to assess the challenges they face both personally and professionally. Consultant Cindy Halvorson can share more info about this 4-hour workshop plus our targeted add-ons: The Self-Differentiated Leader, Guarding Against Child Sexual Abuse, Finances & Boundaries, and Retirement.
LeaderWise Community, join the conversation next week as we share an exciting new reflective resource for governing boards!
